Friday, January 27, 2012

It Ain't No Use To Sit And Wonder Why, Babe

Perhaps it’s the dreary January weather talking, but this time of year has always been difficult for me.  Christmas is over, winter is still here, and it’s a long march until another vacation and some nice weather.  This year has been especially hard.

When I was growing up, I couldn’t wait to be an adult.  I fantasized about staying up as late as I wanted, eating cake for breakfast, hanging out with my friends all the time, and generally doing whatever struck my fancy.  Never did it occur to me that I’d have to also be in charge of a lot of less-fun stuff like being fiscally responsible, ensuring I ate enough fruits and vegetables, and fighting the winter blues.  

I try to meet new people and plan fun things, but life gets in the way.  D has school to focus on.  Other people already have friends and established routines.  I’m still the new person and I don’t quite fit in.  The conversation often turns to people I don’t know, places in Pittsburgh I’ve never been, backgrounds I know nothing about, and I sit there in silence as they talk around me.  I plaster a smile on my face but fight to keep tears from my eyes.  Why is this so hard?

I think “Is this it?  Am I going to feel like I’m fighting to survive in Pittsburgh for the next five years?”  Go to work, go to the gym, go home to eat dinner and sit on the couch and wonder “How did I get here, this strange place so far away from home?”  I don’t want to feel this way.  I don’t want to wish away years of my life just so that this part can be over.

3 comments:

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

Moving to a new place is always hard I think. Especially when you don't know many people. It will take awhile to get settled for sure. When I first moved in 2008 I HATED my city and couldn't wait to get out of there. Now, 3.5 years later, I've really made a life for myself here and don't see myself moving anytime soon. I would say it took me at least a year, maybe more like 1.5 years to really feel established here.

What about getting involved in some way to meet people? I met a lot of my current friends through running groups and doing trade work at the yoga studio. If you wanted fitness friends you could try one of those things, or maybe volunteering?

Sending good thoughts! XO

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I know that 'plastered smile/holding back the tears' experience very well. I've been there, and it's hard... I have lived in Minneapolis for almost 9 years and I still have those moments. Especially this time of year when I am in CFA study mode so I don't have much interesting to share as far as what's happening in my life. My life is work, run, study, repeat. (well, minus the run part right now because I am recovering from surgery).

Are there any running groups in your area that you could check out? I've met some really great people through mine!

Hope the winter blues go away soon. I, too, have been battling them this week as I have been alone a whole lot due to recovering from my surgery. I am actually really excited to work a full week next week!

ReeseAnnaJean said...

I know it's hard, I think it's been harder for you than it has been for me, but you'll get through it! Staying positive is the key. And when people talk about stuff you don't know, my advice would be to jump in and ask a lot of questions. Who cares if it messes up their storytelling, you will look engaged with what they're saying and you'll also pick up on some stuff about the city. Hang in there!